Will it ever end?

First I'd like to lead off with this for those of you who don't know what autism really means. It's not the "Rain Man" type of thing for every person. This is the best website I could find that explained it to where I thought everyone could understand it: http://helpguide.org/mental/autism_spectrum.htm 

Today Kerri had her check up at the Knights of Columbus at Cardinal Glennon. It was her 6 month check up to see how things have been since she's started school. 


Socially, we have noticed some improvement. She has friends at school. Which is very exciting! She talks about them all the time. She loves going to school. It takes her a while to let go of us in the mornings but she has never had a fit. Her teachers say she's quiet. And if the kids approach her she will play with them. She still would rather play alone. But there has been progress. We had a meeting with her speech teacher last week who said that she thinks it would be ok for her to end speech services.

Her behavior has been better. We have not had very many extreme meltdowns from her. She still has them but I've noticed they are more out of frustration now. Where as before, sometimes they were for no reason. So at least now there's a reason!

Some things that have not gotten better or that have even gotten worse are her fears and her transitions/flexibility issues. She seems to be scared of everything lately. She refuses to go to the bathroom by herself, or go into her bedroom by herself. She is still scared to death of bugs. She still has a hard time with transitions or doing things a different way. If we are going somewhere and we take a different route she will always notice and very often have a fit. If she gets to school even a little late and class has already started it's harder for her to peel away from us.

So today was going to be a big day! I have come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with Kerri. I mean that's what everyone keeps telling me. They all just keep saying she's just unique. She just has little quirks. I thought I was going to go to this appt. and the doctors were going to tell me the same thing and it would all be over! The most I was expecting was a diagnosis of OCD. I was so ready for it to be over. I had prepared myself for what they were going to say. I was ready. I could live with the fact that Kerri is just "unique" (or at most had OCD). No more doctors! No more worrying!!

WRONG!!!!!! 

So we get to the appt. and the student dr comes in and asks how things have been going. I explain everything as I did above. Then the doctor came in and Kerri told her she was too loud. The doctor was in there for about 10-15 minutes and said she clearly noticed a few signs that makes her want to do another evaluation. So we go back in a couple weeks for that. The doctor also thinks that Kerri should not have ended speech services. We will decide more on that when we go for her evaluation.

So now I feel like I've gone through two extremes today....excitement to finally have this all over with and then the let down when I find out it's NOT over yet. I honestly feel like I'm starting at the beginning again, trying to convince people of what I'm seeing and what's going on, trying to deal with the worry. I am completely drained tonight. I don't even know what I think anymore.