What has God done for you?

Sometimes I get in a rut and wonder "what has God done for me lately?!". Things get so crazy and stressful and I feel like I'm talking to the wall instead of praying to God. 
Then He gives me a huge slap in the face and reminds me of everything that He has done for me and my family.
I was looking at some videos on YouTube and came across a video that I had made for Kerri a while back. When I think back to that period in our lives I am always astonished at how that situation turned out.
 
(for new readers, here is a little background. or you can read my past posts) Kerri had gone through a couple difficult years. Pretty much from 18 months to about 3 years old. I was convinced she was autistic, I thought she had high functioning autism. I approached the situation as if we had gotten that diagnosis. I did everything I could to get her the help she needed (what I could get without a diagnosis).

About a year ago I was at a breaking point. I KNEW Kerri needed more than what I was getting from the doctors. It felt like no one believed me, like they were giving me the run around. One night after the kids were in bed asleep and Zack was at work, I sat and prayed harder than I ever had before. I told God that whatever His plan was, wherever this situation was headed, to PLEASE show me! I turned Kerri over to Him. I prayed for Him to take control and do His will. Whatever it was, I was ready to deal with it. I could not watch her suffer anymore, and she was suffering.

Fast forward a year, and God answered that prayer. Not only did He open doors to get Kerri help, but He started working in her heart. She tells everyone she can about her God. She's the first person to let you know if you are doing something that God doesn't approve of. She no longer has "issues" like she did before.

Now here is my theory on what caused it and what "resolved" it........
When Kerri was about 18 months she started getting unexplained high fevers. After several different doctors we still didn't have a diagnosis or reason for the fevers. Her temperature would spike to sometimes 106. At about 18 months or 2 years old she had a febrile seizure in the waiting room of the ER in my arms. She then started having "staring seizures". She seen a neurologist among the list of doctors and nothing was found to be "wrong". Then February 22nd, 2010 she had her last fever. I was very happy that the fevers were gone but still nervous everyday that they would return. I also wished I had known what caused them. But I guess we will never know. I believe the fevers and/or the seizures had something to do with her other "issues". Now I am obviously not a Dr but she was completely perfect before the fevers started. Once the fevers and seizures started her behavior and whole personality changed.
I have no clue what stopped the fevers. I do believe the reason the seizures stopped was because the fevers stopped. But even after the fevers were gone the personality and behavior changes just worsened. So (I believe) the fevers caused the seizures and the seizures and/or fevers caused the personality and behavior issues. 
What resolved the behavior issues?? I truly believe that had we let it go and not intervened that Kerri would have definitely at some point soon there after been diagnosed with autism. But I never let it go. We struggled through people talking behind our backs, people thinking we were crazy, teachers and doctors telling us to basically just "wait and see". I got her in speech therapy as soon as it was available to her. I made sure her teachers knew what was going on and even though they resisted to believing any thing was wrong they did do what I asked as far as helping her. I got her into counseling. We all helped her at home. She slowly started getting better. Now I know we made a big difference in the outcome by never giving up on her. But I truly believe that God answered my prayers, stepped in and helped her more than any doctor ever could have. Jesus not only saved her when he died on the cross but He saved her from this situation. With out Him I have no idea where she would be right now. But I'm so thankful we don't have to think about it!

We now have a daughter who is not a perfect child, but who is perfect at being Kerri.

Time for an update!

Well. it's update time again! I feel like lately that's all I've been writing on here! Hopefully that will soon change.

Let's see....where to start......

Let's start with Zack.....you all know him right? He's my husband. I don't think I've talked about him in any of my posts but I DO have a husband. ;)
He has finally got himself a motorcycle. And I have had more panic attacks in the past couple months than I have my whole life! I totally trust him and it's not that I don't think he knows what he's doing. It just scares the crap out of me! I have probably imagined every possible way for him to wreck on that bike. I have no idea what we would do if something happened to him. 
We've been together for almost 11 years and to be completely honest, for the majority of that time I have taken him for granted. Our marriage has been so close to being over SEVERAL times. I won't go in to a whole lot of detail but there was arguing, disrespect, and just flat out rudeness everyday for as long as I can remember. And about 60% of it was me. I'm not proud to admit it but I was not the easiest person to live with (not that he didn't do his share of it). Over the past couple months our marriage has been better than it's ever been. It's still not perfect but it's WAY better than it has been for the past 10 years!

Now on to Connor.....He will be turning the big 10 years old next week! We went to check out his new school (building) for next year. He will be in 5th grade! I was walking through the halls and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe! There were lockers! When did he get old enough to have a locker??? Then we went to meet his homeroom teacher.....HOMEROOM!!!!!! That means he will be switching classes/teachers for every subject! Um....that's not suppose to happen until high school, or at least middle school....I'm not ready for this! So then we are walking down the hall and a girl......A GIRL......stops to talk to him. DEFINITELY not ready for that! He is just growing up too fast!
His dad has moved back into town and Connor is loving it! 
He has really been doing very well. His behavior is getting better. This past week it's been like having a totally different kid! He still has his moments (some days he has several moments). But I can see him trying to do better. We have even had a few peaceful days at our house which use to be very rare!

Now my Lilly girl.....She is like a teenager in a 7 year old's body! If her attitude gets any worse she could possibly end up worse than I was as a teenager! YIKES! I always knew God would give me a child just like me. But I never thought it would be my sweet Lilly! But even the negative can not overshadow her positive! She is doing very well in school. And her ballet is incredible to watch! I am just so proud of her. This is her first year in ballet and I can tell this is what she was meant to do. I love watching her. When she's in class it's like nothing else matters. She's so serious and focused. She has her first recital coming up in two weeks! Plus she got a part in the Nutcracker! Very exciting!

Kerri, Kerri, Kerri......If you were to come to my house after reading all my previous posts about her, you would think I was a crazy person! I have no explanation for it but this child is not the same person she was the past couple years. She has improved so much. I honestly think she was at a very critical point in her development when we intervened. I believe she could have gone a very different way had we not done everything we did to help her. I can't even imagine what she would be like right now had we listened to some of the advise and just "let her be". Don't get me wrong, she still has her quirks, but nothing worrisome. 
She is also taking ballet. Not sure we will keep her in next year or not yet. It can be pretty pricey and she's not as into it as Lilly (yet). We are planning on letting her explore different things first to see what she really enjoys. Right now she is playing t-ball. She's so cute. She's never played baseball in her life so it took a little getting use to. In the Fall she will be playing soccer. She's super excited about that. She also has her ballet recital in two weeks. I pray that she does well as far as being backstage with out me. I'm a little nervous about that. 

Miss Bella.....I have to say, she may possibly be the cutest baby I've ever seen in my entire life! She is learning so much everyday. Every time she talks it's seems like a new word comes out of her mouth! I am so blessed to get to stay at home with her (and the other kids) and watch her learn and grow each day. She is the sweetest and most affectionate baby ever! She absolutely LOVES to give hugs and kisses and cuddle! She does have a mean streak though.....she's a biter! It's so hard to get on to her though!! 

So I think that's pretty much it for the most part. I have to say my life is not perfect and I know it never will be, but this has to be as close as it gets! I am the happiest I've ever been!

It runs in the family...

I am the second oldest of four girls. We are all so different but still alike in many ways. My youngest sister and I are the most alike. There's very few differences in our personalities. 

I have been noticing how much my kids are like me and my sisters. I have four kids (1 boy and 3 girls). 

Connor, my oldest, reminds me so much of my older sister, Jen. He's moody sometimes. He plays with his sisters but not often. He'd rather play by himself. He's a little shy at times. He's a follower not a leader. >>> But he is a lot like me also. He's sensitive. His feelings get hurt so easily. He has a temper. He is constantly trying to please everyone. He worries non stop. 

Lilly, my second oldest, reminds me a lot of myself in so many ways. She does very well in school. She loves writing stories. She helps with her younger sisters all the time. But she is so hard on herself. She is very self critical. I think sometimes she feels more like the oldest than the second oldest.

Kerri, my third, reminds me of my younger sister, Kim. She's such a clown. She loves to make people happy (but not laugh, if they laugh at her she cries). She's always making silly faces and making up silly dances. >>> On the flip side she is like me. She's a perfectionist. Everything has to be "just right" and HER way. I was always considered the "problem child"......Kerri is definitely my most "difficult" child. 

Bella, my youngest, is just like my younger sister, Sara. She is the sweetest baby you will ever meet. Plus she's the baby of the family and she takes advantage of that. She knows everyone is going to give her what she wants cause she's the cute little baby. >>> But she has a temper, just like me. She is a biter just like I was when I was little. She can be a mean little snot when she doesn't get her way.

My sisters and I have all grown up to be great women. We love our families. So whether my kids grow up to be like me or one of my sisters I will be happy with who they become. 

Will it ever end?

First I'd like to lead off with this for those of you who don't know what autism really means. It's not the "Rain Man" type of thing for every person. This is the best website I could find that explained it to where I thought everyone could understand it: http://helpguide.org/mental/autism_spectrum.htm 

Today Kerri had her check up at the Knights of Columbus at Cardinal Glennon. It was her 6 month check up to see how things have been since she's started school. 


Socially, we have noticed some improvement. She has friends at school. Which is very exciting! She talks about them all the time. She loves going to school. It takes her a while to let go of us in the mornings but she has never had a fit. Her teachers say she's quiet. And if the kids approach her she will play with them. She still would rather play alone. But there has been progress. We had a meeting with her speech teacher last week who said that she thinks it would be ok for her to end speech services.

Her behavior has been better. We have not had very many extreme meltdowns from her. She still has them but I've noticed they are more out of frustration now. Where as before, sometimes they were for no reason. So at least now there's a reason!

Some things that have not gotten better or that have even gotten worse are her fears and her transitions/flexibility issues. She seems to be scared of everything lately. She refuses to go to the bathroom by herself, or go into her bedroom by herself. She is still scared to death of bugs. She still has a hard time with transitions or doing things a different way. If we are going somewhere and we take a different route she will always notice and very often have a fit. If she gets to school even a little late and class has already started it's harder for her to peel away from us.

So today was going to be a big day! I have come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with Kerri. I mean that's what everyone keeps telling me. They all just keep saying she's just unique. She just has little quirks. I thought I was going to go to this appt. and the doctors were going to tell me the same thing and it would all be over! The most I was expecting was a diagnosis of OCD. I was so ready for it to be over. I had prepared myself for what they were going to say. I was ready. I could live with the fact that Kerri is just "unique" (or at most had OCD). No more doctors! No more worrying!!

WRONG!!!!!! 

So we get to the appt. and the student dr comes in and asks how things have been going. I explain everything as I did above. Then the doctor came in and Kerri told her she was too loud. The doctor was in there for about 10-15 minutes and said she clearly noticed a few signs that makes her want to do another evaluation. So we go back in a couple weeks for that. The doctor also thinks that Kerri should not have ended speech services. We will decide more on that when we go for her evaluation.

So now I feel like I've gone through two extremes today....excitement to finally have this all over with and then the let down when I find out it's NOT over yet. I honestly feel like I'm starting at the beginning again, trying to convince people of what I'm seeing and what's going on, trying to deal with the worry. I am completely drained tonight. I don't even know what I think anymore.