In all fairness

A few weeks ago we added a new member to our family. Lilly got a kitten named Pawsha.
She is a perfect fit for our family. The kids love her and even Shadow (our dog) loves her. I'm sure there were some whispers behind my back when people found out we were getting another animal. But I've recently come to the point where I don't care. We have found the perfect dog and the perfect cat for our family and that's all that matters. 

We've had a "few" dogs and cats before Pawsha. Our pug Lulu had to be put to sleep. The others were just not a right fit for our family. And it's not like we just dumped them off on the side of the road. They were all given to loving homes (well except for one incident. but he ended up in a very loving home thankfully!). 

So anyway, none of that actually has anything to do with my post today. Part of me just felt the need to defend myself to some people who I know say things behind my back.

I really got on here to talk about Kerri. I can not begin to explain the progress this child has made! She still has her meltdowns here and there. But not nearly as often and they don't last nearly as long. She is like a different child. She definitely still has her "quirks". And there are still issues I have a hard time helping her through (like trying to explain to her why she doesn't need to brush her teeth 5 times in a row). But the meltdowns were the most stressful thing for us. 

I however do not think she has autism though. I can kind of see OCD sometimes. But I'm still needing some convincing. The doctors need more "convincing" also which is why we have the day two appointment. BUT.....I think I may have accidentally stumbled on something else that may have been causing this huge stressor in our life. CAFFEINE!!.......Before 2 months ago, I was a huge Pepsi drinker. I mean HUGE!!! I'm actually a little embarrassed to admit it. But this blog is all about being honest right? We (meaning me and my husband, but mostly me) would go through cases of Pepsi a week. I alone would go through a 12 pack in one day. All day long I had a Pepsi open drinking it. I seriously think I was addicted. No joke. My two older kids have been allowed very limited soda. They get it when we go out to eat. They ONLY have it at home when we order pizza. They have it other places like at their grandparents but that's it. They may have a drink of ours here and there. But for the most part they were limited. Kerri on the other hand was limited the same way but she would sneak our sodas when we weren't paying attention and down them. Before we actually caught onto what she was doing, we just thought we had finished our sodas and didn't realize it. She would sneak out of bed at night and find sodas on the counter that weren't emptied and finish them all off. At the age of three I would bet that she had drank more soda than my older two in their whole lives! We could not keep it away from her. I seriously think she was addicted to it too! It was the strangest thing!


So, a couple months ago I started taking some medication for my migraines that thankfully makes Pepsi taste not so great anymore. I can still tolerate it but it's just not the same. So I went 6 weeks straight with no soda at all......and so did Kerri. I've had one here and there the past week or two. But like I said her behavior has been so different! We were at my dad's for 4th of July and I let her have a Pepsi (this is when me and my sister stumbled upon this). It was like from the first sip of that soda she turned into the "old Kerri". Then later that night she was so rude to even her favorite person Ma Ma Jan. Then the next night she had one of her meltdowns because she didn't like the fireworks. That very well could have been because she was scared. But the night before was so strange to see her change like that. I will definitely be mentioning this all to the doctors at her appointment.

So she goes for her day two appointment at Cardinal Glennon in about a week. Then in August is when they will do her sleep study which I am 99.9% certain they will determine she has restless leg syndrome.  

And there I go rambling again. Back to my post.........

So Lilly got this kitten. Kerri is very rough with it. As she is with all things, including Bella. We had talked with the doctors about this when we were at her first appointment and they said it had to do with her sensory integration issues.  To her she is touching them normally. But we know she is touching them too roughly. I am still learning ways to work with her on it. And I realize it's going to take time. 

I try explaining to her that she needs to be gentle with the cat and that she could hurt the cat. But sometimes it looks like it goes right over her head. My heart broke today when I saw Kerri sitting on the kitchen chair crying and I walked over to see what was wrong. She said "Pawsha doesn't love me" I said yes she does. She said "No she doesn't. She keeps hiding from me and I just want to give her a hug cause I love her."



I guess I feel like some people think I shouldn't have let Lilly get Pawsha if I knew Kerri had this problem. And that really bothers me a lot. Because how is that ok? I don't want to hold my other kids back because of issues Kerri is having. That's not fair. That will only end up in blame on Kerri at some point. Our life can not revolve around whatever issues are going on with Kerri right now. They should not be "punished" for what Kerri is going through. If anything they should be helping teach her how to be gentle with the cat and with Bella. I think it's actually better that we got the cat than if we hadn't. 


My kids are happy and that's all that matters to me :)