Kerri Update

Kerri went to the dr for her day two appt. on Monday. She seen a psychologist and a pediatrician who specializes in genetics. There was still no diagnosis given which I am very ok with. The pediatrician explained it the best...."It's not about getting a "diagnosis" for Kerri. Its about getting her the help she needs. Unfortunately to get her some of these services she needs a diagnosis.". This is exactly what I've been feeling this whole time. I couldn't care less what "label" they give Kerri. She's still going to be my Kerri. But that diagnosis is going to help us in getting her the help she needs and help us in understanding how to help her through her life. So even though we didn't get a whole lot of answers coming out of this appointment, I still left feeling like we were on the right road to finding the answers. I love the team of doctors who are working with her.

So anyway, the doctors she seen Monday said basically the same thing as the other doctors. They see definite behavioral issues, signs of OCD, signs of Aspergers, and sensory integration issues. We are in the process of finding some behavioral therapy for her to start. 

They did some blood work for some genetics testing. Those results won't be in for a couple weeks. They are looking for anything in her genetics that may lead them to anything else. From the blood work they did find out she is anemic. So she will go to her primary dr next week to talk about taking care of that. 


She will be going back in 6 months. The doctors want to see how she does over the next 6 months since she will be starting preschool in September. And also she has developed a "strange" obsession with the brain. She wants to learn about it and see it. She's very interested in it. The dr wants to see where this "obsession" goes. Since it could be a sign of Aspergers.


Oh, and the speech pathologist from her last appointment came in and told us that she had forgotten to tell us that Kerri talks with a lisp. So she will need to continue speech therapy (which we were already planning on doing).


I'm sitting here trying to remember everything that the doctors told me. It was a lot of information. Most of it was "this is what we will do if the tests show something..." "blah blah". So really nothing that pertains to right now anyway. It was just a lot of information really fast. So I feel like I'm forgetting something in there. 

But anyway, I was going to write this post yesterday but I've been putting it off. I'm dealing with my own insecurities about all of this. I have a very select few friends/family members who are completely supportive about me taking Kerri to the dr for all of this. I have several friends/family/people who are not so supportive. And I think a lot of them don't even realize that they aren't being supportive. But this is a huge part of our lives right now. And sometimes whether people believe me or want to hear about it or not, I need to talk about it. 


Which brings me to the point.....IT'S NOT ALL IN MY HEAD! There have been several times that I have thought it was. I thought "maybe I'm just crazy. maybe kerri is completely "normal" and I'm just looking for something to be wrong like some people think". But let me tell you this...these are very highly qualified doctors and professionals that are agreeing with me now. So what do I say to that? Tell them they are all crazy??? I'm so tired of telling people about what is going on with Kerri and getting looked at like I'm crazy! There is obviously something. We don't know exactly what yet. But I will find out so that we can help her.
I'm so sick of people saying "she's just a 'normal' 3 year old". It is not normal for a child to pull her hair out and bite herself. It is not normal for a 3 year old to scream and hide in the other room when I vacuum. It is not normal for a 2 YEAR OLD to look at a poster of a heart in the doctor's office and say "look mommy, that's a heart". It is not normal for a 3 year old to not want to play with other kids her age. Yes, it is normal for 3 year olds to have tantrums, but not for an hour to 2 hours straight! (and just because you have never witnessed one does not mean they don't happen. it just means you are lucky).
I'm just so tired of people thinking they "know" Kerri. I am almost to the point where I'm done telling people anything about any of it. But I do know that there are those few people that have been so great listening to me when I need to talk about it. And those giving me advise. And even those going through the same thing. And that's why I keep sharing, for those people who DO believe and who do care. Thank you.

If I didn't have kids...

If I didn't have kids, I'd still fit in my jeans. I would get to watch what I wanted to watch on TV. I would get to make whatever I wanted for dinner without worrying about someone whining "I don't like that!". 

If I didn't have kids, my closet would be fuller, my bank account would be fuller, my bed would be EMPTY, my house would be clean, my belly would be flatter, my house would be quieter, my car would be smaller.

If I didn't have kids, my baths would be longer, my showers would be hotter, my mornings would be later, my dinners would be warmer, my naps would be longer.

BUT....................................................................................................

If I didn't have kids I wouldn't know who Spongebob is. I wouldn't know that Justin Bieber is "the hottest boy ever". I would have no idea how to speak Spanish (thanks to Dora the Explorer). I would still think the Naked Brothers Band was a band of naked brothers. 

If I didn't have kids I wouldn't have learned about spaghetti tacos. I would have never known that ketchup could be used on EVERYTHING.

If I didn't have kids my my closet may be fuller but I wouldn't have a cute little voice to tell me "Mommy, you look beautiful like me." (Kerri)

If I didn't have kids my car might be smaller but my car rides wouldn't be nearly as entertaining! 

If I didn't have kids my mornings might be later but I wouldn't have cute little faces waking me up. Or little bodies cuddling up in bed with me.

If I didn't have kids my dinners may be warmer but I wouldn't get to hear about the favorite/worst parts of my kids' day. 

If I didn't have kids my naps may be longer but my dreams would be shorter.

I've been called a lot of things, but my favorite is "Mom". 

My most favorite son

It's come to my attention in the past several months that several people don't know that Connor is not my husband's son. I have never tried to pass him off as Zack's son. I've always been very honest about Connor having a different dad than my daughters. It just surprised me that some people didn't know. 

I got pregnant with Connor when I was 19 years old. I was too young and just starting college. But I don't regret any of it. Anything that would change having Connor in my life is unimaginable. 

But I wanted to write a post about my favorite son. I was reading through my blog and realized I've written at least one post about each of my daughters. But none about Connor. I know why. I make it a point to not write too much about Connor because of the situation. He does have another parent. It's done out of respect I guess. 

But anyway, I did want to write something about him so that my readers can know how incredibly awesome he is!

Connor is my favorite son. Not because he's my only son, but because he is so sweet. He really cares so much about other people's feelings. He is a great big brother. He only has sisters. He is getting ready to get a brand new sister (from his dad and step mom) in just a few weeks. He has always wanted a brother but when he found out they were having a girl he was so excited for them. If he was disappointed at all, he never showed it. I told him "Now that means you are extra special because you are the only boy for me and your dad.". He has a lot of sisters to protect. And he does a good job. Him and Lilly may fight like cats and dogs but he won't ever let anyone talk bad about her. He defends her. 

I have had some issues with his behavior and anger in the past. But I want to say how incredibly proud I am of this boy! I have noticed a change in him in the past week or so that has been amazing. Its not a huge change but it's very noticeable. I can tell when he is getting angry that he tries to calm himself down before it gets out of hand. And he has been catching himself a lot before he argues with me. He has just really grown up and improved on his behavior. I mean all kids will still have their moments. But there are those of you reading this that know the "issues" I've had with Connor and Kerri. And to see both of them improving is like a miracle. It actually brings me to tears.

So anyway, Connor and I were talking tonight about how his family is different. He was telling me how he feels like he's basically alone. He said none of his friends have a family like his. I mentioned a friend of his at school (who I know has a step dad and a step mom). He said he didn't even know that about the boy. So we came up with a plan for Connor to learn more about his friends' families. And he might learn that he has friends with families like his. And he may find someone he can talk to. We also talked about how possibly God chose this type of family for Connor so that he could help other kids that are missing their dad too. He was really interested in being able to help other kids. He is such a sweet and caring boy. I can not wait to see what God has planned for this kid!

In all fairness

A few weeks ago we added a new member to our family. Lilly got a kitten named Pawsha.
She is a perfect fit for our family. The kids love her and even Shadow (our dog) loves her. I'm sure there were some whispers behind my back when people found out we were getting another animal. But I've recently come to the point where I don't care. We have found the perfect dog and the perfect cat for our family and that's all that matters. 

We've had a "few" dogs and cats before Pawsha. Our pug Lulu had to be put to sleep. The others were just not a right fit for our family. And it's not like we just dumped them off on the side of the road. They were all given to loving homes (well except for one incident. but he ended up in a very loving home thankfully!). 

So anyway, none of that actually has anything to do with my post today. Part of me just felt the need to defend myself to some people who I know say things behind my back.

I really got on here to talk about Kerri. I can not begin to explain the progress this child has made! She still has her meltdowns here and there. But not nearly as often and they don't last nearly as long. She is like a different child. She definitely still has her "quirks". And there are still issues I have a hard time helping her through (like trying to explain to her why she doesn't need to brush her teeth 5 times in a row). But the meltdowns were the most stressful thing for us. 

I however do not think she has autism though. I can kind of see OCD sometimes. But I'm still needing some convincing. The doctors need more "convincing" also which is why we have the day two appointment. BUT.....I think I may have accidentally stumbled on something else that may have been causing this huge stressor in our life. CAFFEINE!!.......Before 2 months ago, I was a huge Pepsi drinker. I mean HUGE!!! I'm actually a little embarrassed to admit it. But this blog is all about being honest right? We (meaning me and my husband, but mostly me) would go through cases of Pepsi a week. I alone would go through a 12 pack in one day. All day long I had a Pepsi open drinking it. I seriously think I was addicted. No joke. My two older kids have been allowed very limited soda. They get it when we go out to eat. They ONLY have it at home when we order pizza. They have it other places like at their grandparents but that's it. They may have a drink of ours here and there. But for the most part they were limited. Kerri on the other hand was limited the same way but she would sneak our sodas when we weren't paying attention and down them. Before we actually caught onto what she was doing, we just thought we had finished our sodas and didn't realize it. She would sneak out of bed at night and find sodas on the counter that weren't emptied and finish them all off. At the age of three I would bet that she had drank more soda than my older two in their whole lives! We could not keep it away from her. I seriously think she was addicted to it too! It was the strangest thing!


So, a couple months ago I started taking some medication for my migraines that thankfully makes Pepsi taste not so great anymore. I can still tolerate it but it's just not the same. So I went 6 weeks straight with no soda at all......and so did Kerri. I've had one here and there the past week or two. But like I said her behavior has been so different! We were at my dad's for 4th of July and I let her have a Pepsi (this is when me and my sister stumbled upon this). It was like from the first sip of that soda she turned into the "old Kerri". Then later that night she was so rude to even her favorite person Ma Ma Jan. Then the next night she had one of her meltdowns because she didn't like the fireworks. That very well could have been because she was scared. But the night before was so strange to see her change like that. I will definitely be mentioning this all to the doctors at her appointment.

So she goes for her day two appointment at Cardinal Glennon in about a week. Then in August is when they will do her sleep study which I am 99.9% certain they will determine she has restless leg syndrome.  

And there I go rambling again. Back to my post.........

So Lilly got this kitten. Kerri is very rough with it. As she is with all things, including Bella. We had talked with the doctors about this when we were at her first appointment and they said it had to do with her sensory integration issues.  To her she is touching them normally. But we know she is touching them too roughly. I am still learning ways to work with her on it. And I realize it's going to take time. 

I try explaining to her that she needs to be gentle with the cat and that she could hurt the cat. But sometimes it looks like it goes right over her head. My heart broke today when I saw Kerri sitting on the kitchen chair crying and I walked over to see what was wrong. She said "Pawsha doesn't love me" I said yes she does. She said "No she doesn't. She keeps hiding from me and I just want to give her a hug cause I love her."



I guess I feel like some people think I shouldn't have let Lilly get Pawsha if I knew Kerri had this problem. And that really bothers me a lot. Because how is that ok? I don't want to hold my other kids back because of issues Kerri is having. That's not fair. That will only end up in blame on Kerri at some point. Our life can not revolve around whatever issues are going on with Kerri right now. They should not be "punished" for what Kerri is going through. If anything they should be helping teach her how to be gentle with the cat and with Bella. I think it's actually better that we got the cat than if we hadn't. 


My kids are happy and that's all that matters to me :)











 

He's not finished with me yet

For most of my life I have wanted to be a teacher. I've worked in daycares since I was old enough to work. I've worked in a lot of the daycares in this county and can tell you which ones I would send my kids to and which ones I wouldn't even send a stray dog to. I have known I wanted to teach since I was around 13 years old. I was never really positive what I wanted to teach. At one point I wanted to open my own daycare. When I got into college my major was elementary education. At that point I wanted to teach 2nd grade. Then I had decided I wanted to teach kindergarten or 1st grade. A few years ago I changed my major to early childhood education and decided I wanted to teach preschool-kindergarten. So as you can see the age group has somewhat changed but the career has always been the same.

The past couple months I feel like I'm at a stand still. I'm not at a fork in the road. I feel like there's 50 forks in the road. I have no idea which way I'm suppose to go.

I've been going through my life just knowing I'm going to be a teacher one day. That's what I thought God had planned for me. I was good with that plan. I was happy with it. It suited me. Then one day I woke up and it just came over me....I don't think that's what God wants for me. Something is pulling me out of this "comfort zone" of doing what I know and have always done (teaching). Something is telling me it's not what I'm meant to be doing. I still believe I'm meant to work with kids. I don't think that will ever change.

I have just found myself almost screaming at God "what are you wanting me to do?!?!?!". I wish I knew his plan for me. I want to know where He wants me. Bella and Parker will eventually start school and I will eventually have to leave the house and get a job. LOL I need to be prepared! I can't be Parker's babysitter forever! (although I sure would like to be)

But seriously.....
It's not that I don't think I wouldn't be happy teaching kids. I would be happy working with kids no matter what. I just don't think that is where God wants me. I think He has other plans for me. Some people may not understand that. And that's ok.

I think I am starting to get some direction though. I've been praying and asking for God to show me something. I know He will. I think He has already. I'm just a paranoid person and I like to double check everything 100 times. LOL

So as long as He keeps showing me where He wants me to go, I will keep going. Because I know He's not finished with me!