I was told a few days ago to try and write about something good in my life. And I am a little ashamed to admit that it's taken me several days to try and find something to write about. I know I have good things in my life. I have a great husband and awesome kids. So how can it really be this difficult to find something. I think I'm just in a slump. There's so much going on that isn't "good". And it makes it really hard to focus on the good things.
I sit down to write (hopefully something good) and I look at my desk and see cookie orders to deal with, a recipe that I need to get in the crock pot for dinner (and pray the kids will eat it), bills to pay, a letter from the Autism Research Institute. How am I suppose to sit here and write something good when all the bad is right there staring at me?
BUT.... then I look over and see Bella smiling because she just sneezed and apparently she thought it was so funny! There are good things in my life and their names are Connor, Lilly, Kerri, and Bella. I have kids who make me smile even when I don't feel like it. Even if some days I don't see it, I have a great husband. Even if I HATE this house and want so badly to move, at least we have a roof over our head! Even if it's hard to make sure we get the bills paid every month, we have never gone without heat or running water. Even if I would love to have a better running, nicer looking vehicle, At least we have the one we have, which has really come in handy since Zack's car is dead. Even if some of my family is crazy, rude, uncaring, or I just don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like, at least I have them especially when I really need them.
God is good.....no, God is GREAT. He may not give me everything I want, but he gives me everything I need!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
What do you want from me?
I believe every parent needs a break at some point. And I am no exception. But I feel bad putting my kids off on someone else to deal with. Now granted they NEVER act horrible for other people. Which I then feel like people are looking at me like "What the heck do you need a break from!?". But trust me, they are out of control!
I have always had trouble with Connor's behavior. And I really don't ever see that changing. I just deal with it. I don't know what else to do. And Kerri is just....well Kerri. (see my last blog) And as far as that goes, people can look at me like I'm crazy all they want when I mention Kerri and Autism in the same sentence. But she is so incredibly difficult!
(a quick update on Kerri....her dr is sending her to a child phsycologist to get her evaluated for autism AND O.C.D.! Just one more thing to add to my list of things to worry about. I can handle autism. Not sure if I could handle OCD.)
Anyway, like I was saying, I expect this incredibly stressful behavior from Connor and Kerri. But Lilly??? For the past week or two she has been out of control. Lilly has always been our "easy child". She's always been well behaved and has always listened so well. She helps out everytime we ask. Before this week I have never had to spank her (yes I spank my kids) or even send her to her room. But lately she has been having major tantrums. Like throwing herself on the floor, kicking, screaming, slaming doors, kicking walls, saying "I hate you" tantrums! Honestly it's like having a second Connor in the house. Now don't get me wrong. I love Connor to death. He's my first born, and my only son. He is extremely special to me. But he has issues.................
Ok I have had to stop typing so many times that I have lost my train of thought....the point is I'm stressed!
*Note to self: post new blogs only when the kids are SLEEPING!!!!!
~Aren't you glad when you hear kids screaming in a store and they aren't yours?~
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Hate me if you want to, love me if you can.
I can not sleep, so here I am.
I've had a lot on my mind. Very few people know that we recently found out that Kerri may have signs of Autism. Anyone who knows her, knows she is "different". And I don't mean different in a bad way. She is the most entertaining of all my kids. I could sit and watch her for hours. It's like her mind is always going full force. I find myself watching her and wondering just what is going on in her little head. But that side of her also comes with the "bad" side. Her meltdowns stress me out. She is so particular about everything. At times it is kind of funny. Other times it is frustrating, like when I'm trying to cook dinner, Bella is crying, Connor and Lilly are fighting, and Kerri is sitting at my feet having a meltdown because she thinks a tiny little skirt should be able to fit on her big toy. It does not make sense to her that the skirt is too small and there is no way for me to make it fit.
So I have been contemplating our choices on what to do for her. Should I take her to her primary dr? Should we look for other resources? Should we just play the "wait and see" game? I have been researching this disorder a lot in the past week. I've looked into it a little in the past because I have had my "secret" concerns about it with her. The more I read, the more I worry. Because she sounds a lot like a child on the Autism Spectrum. Getting her a diagnosis would mean being able to get the resources she needs to get through this. And NOT getting a diagnosis (meaning they find she isn't autistic) might make me stop worrying. I'm not worried about the diagnosis. Because in all reality it's not going to change a whole lot (besides her being able to get help). I have delt with her behavior for the past 3 years, I'm not worried about not being able to handle her because I can. One thing I do worry about though is how this is going to effect her in the long run. Right now it's managable. But when she gets in school how are others going to look at her and how is being "different" going to make her feel? One of my other big concerns is what will the treatment be? I refuse to medicate her unless at some point in the future me and Zack agree that it's nessessary. But these things that send up red flags are the same things that make Kerri who she is. I wonder how much the treatment would change her. Now I could easily say no to treatment or even a diagnosis and just forget it all. BUT as I stated before, how would this disorder effect her in the future, especially if it's left untreated.
In the past week I have found myself watching her more. I have also found that I have gained a new kind of patience with her (as with the rest of my kids) this week. I think some people have looked at me as being too soft on my kids. Or not disciplining them "correctly" or enough. But no one knows the whole story of our life. It's easy for someone at the store to see Kerri having one of her meltdowns and think "that mom needs to take charge" but what they don't see or know is that you can't touch Kerri when she's like that. Touching her or trying to calm her down usually makes it worse. Like today I had all 4 kids in Walmart (by myself). This lady walks by and sees me stopped in the middle of the aisle with Lilly and Kerri both crying. She makes some ignorant comment which upset Connor so then I have 3 crying kids. What the lady DIDN'T see was, while we were walking in the door the girls were holding hands, skipping along and some how Kerri's head bumped Lilly's mouth and nose which caused a small nosebleed and a busted lip. So I put Kerri in the cart (where she sat and screamed for the rest of our shopping trip). That lady didn't understand why I just put her in the cart and was basically ignoring her. But that's what needed to be done. I just want to scream "she's not like your kid!!! She's has issues!!!!" Cause in all honesty, whether she has autism or not, she IS a difficult and unique child.
So now that I've rambled enough.....Kerri does have an appointment with her primary dr on tuesday. Not sure how well that will go since we are getting ready to switch her dr in a couple months anyway due to this doctor's laziness. But I guess it's a start!
~While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.~
I've had a lot on my mind. Very few people know that we recently found out that Kerri may have signs of Autism. Anyone who knows her, knows she is "different". And I don't mean different in a bad way. She is the most entertaining of all my kids. I could sit and watch her for hours. It's like her mind is always going full force. I find myself watching her and wondering just what is going on in her little head. But that side of her also comes with the "bad" side. Her meltdowns stress me out. She is so particular about everything. At times it is kind of funny. Other times it is frustrating, like when I'm trying to cook dinner, Bella is crying, Connor and Lilly are fighting, and Kerri is sitting at my feet having a meltdown because she thinks a tiny little skirt should be able to fit on her big toy. It does not make sense to her that the skirt is too small and there is no way for me to make it fit.
So I have been contemplating our choices on what to do for her. Should I take her to her primary dr? Should we look for other resources? Should we just play the "wait and see" game? I have been researching this disorder a lot in the past week. I've looked into it a little in the past because I have had my "secret" concerns about it with her. The more I read, the more I worry. Because she sounds a lot like a child on the Autism Spectrum. Getting her a diagnosis would mean being able to get the resources she needs to get through this. And NOT getting a diagnosis (meaning they find she isn't autistic) might make me stop worrying. I'm not worried about the diagnosis. Because in all reality it's not going to change a whole lot (besides her being able to get help). I have delt with her behavior for the past 3 years, I'm not worried about not being able to handle her because I can. One thing I do worry about though is how this is going to effect her in the long run. Right now it's managable. But when she gets in school how are others going to look at her and how is being "different" going to make her feel? One of my other big concerns is what will the treatment be? I refuse to medicate her unless at some point in the future me and Zack agree that it's nessessary. But these things that send up red flags are the same things that make Kerri who she is. I wonder how much the treatment would change her. Now I could easily say no to treatment or even a diagnosis and just forget it all. BUT as I stated before, how would this disorder effect her in the future, especially if it's left untreated.
In the past week I have found myself watching her more. I have also found that I have gained a new kind of patience with her (as with the rest of my kids) this week. I think some people have looked at me as being too soft on my kids. Or not disciplining them "correctly" or enough. But no one knows the whole story of our life. It's easy for someone at the store to see Kerri having one of her meltdowns and think "that mom needs to take charge" but what they don't see or know is that you can't touch Kerri when she's like that. Touching her or trying to calm her down usually makes it worse. Like today I had all 4 kids in Walmart (by myself). This lady walks by and sees me stopped in the middle of the aisle with Lilly and Kerri both crying. She makes some ignorant comment which upset Connor so then I have 3 crying kids. What the lady DIDN'T see was, while we were walking in the door the girls were holding hands, skipping along and some how Kerri's head bumped Lilly's mouth and nose which caused a small nosebleed and a busted lip. So I put Kerri in the cart (where she sat and screamed for the rest of our shopping trip). That lady didn't understand why I just put her in the cart and was basically ignoring her. But that's what needed to be done. I just want to scream "she's not like your kid!!! She's has issues!!!!" Cause in all honesty, whether she has autism or not, she IS a difficult and unique child.
So now that I've rambled enough.....Kerri does have an appointment with her primary dr on tuesday. Not sure how well that will go since we are getting ready to switch her dr in a couple months anyway due to this doctor's laziness. But I guess it's a start!
The only thing for certain is uncertainty!
This is my first blog. I will be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing. So just go with it :)
I figured this would be a good way for me to vent/complain/rejoice or share the good, bad, and ugly events in my life. (because let's face it, 420 characters on my Facebook status just won't cut it).
For those of you who don't know me.....I have 4 kids. A son (Connor, 8), and 3 daughters (Lilly 6, Kerri 3, and Isabella [Bella] 3 months). We have a dog named Shadow. I've been married to my husband, Zack, for almost 7 years. I am a stay at home mom and I love every minute of it. My kids are involved in sports, cub scouts, girl scouts. Right now we are in basketball season! AND Girl Scout cookie season! (I am the troop leader of my daughter's troop.) My kids take up most of my time but when I get a chance I love to bake and decorate cakes.
~ A weary Christian lay awake one night trying to hold the world together by her worrying. Then she heard the Lord gently say to her, "Now you go to sleep, I'll sit up. " ~
I figured this would be a good way for me to vent/complain/rejoice or share the good, bad, and ugly events in my life. (because let's face it, 420 characters on my Facebook status just won't cut it).
For those of you who don't know me.....I have 4 kids. A son (Connor, 8), and 3 daughters (Lilly 6, Kerri 3, and Isabella [Bella] 3 months). We have a dog named Shadow. I've been married to my husband, Zack, for almost 7 years. I am a stay at home mom and I love every minute of it. My kids are involved in sports, cub scouts, girl scouts. Right now we are in basketball season! AND Girl Scout cookie season! (I am the troop leader of my daughter's troop.) My kids take up most of my time but when I get a chance I love to bake and decorate cakes.
~ A weary Christian lay awake one night trying to hold the world together by her worrying. Then she heard the Lord gently say to her, "Now you go to sleep, I'll sit up. " ~
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